Now what? (Ellen)

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Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Nathanial Schram on Thu Feb 02, 2012 2:17 am

Ellen had been following him around ever since the blackout. He drew on her when things were bad, but ever since his birthday, he hadn't needed to draw on her. He'd also noticed that the avenging angel image he used to see was fading with her. He wondered what image would replace it, but for the moment, it was nice to actually see the girl and not the angel. He noticed he'd been able to see more people and less of the violence that normally permeated his vision. It was unusual, and he wanted to mention it to his therapist. He'd also noticed that he needed things neater around him. He had taken to making his bed every morning, and coming back after breakfast to re-make it. It was odd.

Things were changing in his little world, and it was changing him. Nate wasn't sure how to feel about it, and he really wasn't sure if he liked it. Everything had started on his birthday, or so it seemed. It had been such a special and wonderful day, he wondered if things were changing because he had finally indulged as he wished to. He'd never before had uninterrupted time to draw, and such a willing canvas as Ace had presented. Things weren't changing all that swiftly though, for most of the other children still presented the gruesome and bloody images that he saw far to often for his own liking.

Ace and Ellen were joining him at meals as often as they could without arousing suspicion from the staff, and things were beginning to get very awkward. The simmering tension between himself and Ace was growing each day, and he could feel himself growing closer to the other boy even without actually doing anything to encourage it. At the same time, he found himself growing further away from Ellen. It wasn't that he didn't want to help the girl, he did, he just didn't have any feelings for her. Not romantic feelings anyway. He was rather upset still by the events of the night of the blackout. He hadn't been sure how to look at himself and their relationship ever since that night.

He was outside again, he liked being outside here, it was away from everyone, and if he had the free time, he could just wander the grounds. It was a way to get in some exercise as well. Sometimes he'd walk to the barn or the stables, other times he'd just walk aimlessly. He never went anywhere he wasn't supposed to. The point of the rambles wasn't to get out, it was just to get away. Get out of his own head, in a way. Quit thinking about his problems, his chores, his worries, his classes and just about anything else. It was a form of heaven to just stroll along with his hands shoved into his jeans pockets and stare at the ground, not seeing anyone or anything. He felt free during those times. Free of expectations and issues, free to be just a regular teenager. Something he'd not been in a while. Actually, something he'd never really been. He'd had his little problem since puberty. He just hid it well in the beginning.

He saw a blonde head up ahead of him, and sighed softly. It seemed that Ellen had found him again, although he wasn't really hiding from her. He ambled over to her, a timid smile on his lips. He didn't really have much to say, but he had this strange urge to talk to her. He didn't know why, maybe it was the situation with Ace, maybe not, but he knew that he had to at the very least, attempt to apologize. It was something he should have done right after the whole mess started, but he'd been to ashamed, and had tried avoiding her. Oddly enough, that's when she'd really started clinging to him. It was just weird.

"Hey Ellen." He said quietly. "Whatcha doin?" Lame. Everything he said now seemed lame. He'd had such smart and cool things to say to Ace, and when she went to talk to Ellen, he was just lame. What was up with that?
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Ellen Taylor on Mon Feb 06, 2012 1:10 am

It was cold. Freezing really, and Ellen's fake puffa jacket really wasn't enough to keep her warm, even with the hood up. She hated wearing it like that, the fake fur made her face itch, but it wasn't like she had anything better. Out here in the sticks it got so cold she was amazed her nose hadn't got frostbitten yet, but the staff were still making them do their outdoor chores. It was sick really, weren't there laws about shit like this? Her activity this afternoon had been agriculture, in the barn (Thank christ), but even in there it was absolutely freezing. Birmingham never got this cold, the air pollution made sure of that. It was so cold out here she'd even stayed back, sheltering in the relatively warm (if rather agricultural smelling) confines of the barn rather than face the walk across the frigid grounds again. She really needed to get some actual winter clothes sometime.

At least in here she was away from, well, everyone. She hated most of her roommates, was scared of most of the boys, and even Nate was getting weird. First, he raped her to prove he wasn't gay, then he started avoiding her and spending ever increasing amounts of time with another guy, who'd also started eating with them, and wouldn't stop giving her evils. How the fuck was he going to explain that? She hadn't asked, uncertain of what kind of reprisal she'd face from Nate, but she was growing increasingly certain that the other boy had turned his head. Was she really that bad? he hadn't seemed gay when he'd fucked her, but now? Honestly? She'd put money on him taking it up the arse before easter. What did that mean for her though? After what he'd done to prove he wasn't gay, what the fuck was he going to do to her now that he was? Knowing her luck with me, she was going to wind up with something broken, and that would be the good option.

Eventually, she knew she had to leave the barn, and with her hands buried deep in her coat pockets, she stepped out into the bitter cold of a northern English winter. It was what, two degrees out here? If that? She only had a short dash across the grounds to the main building though, not that far at all really. Pulling the drawstrings of her awful hood tighter, and doing her absolute best to ignore how itchy her face was right now, she started to walk. She made it almost halfway before she had to shove the hood back, preferring the cold biting into her skin to the itch of the stupid lining. She really needed to burn this coat already, she was probably allergic to the fake fur or something. Fucking thing was never any use to her anyway, maybe she'd even be able to get a decent one, assuming this place actually bothered to provide winter clothes to it's inhabitants. She wouldn't be too surprised if it did nothing of the sort.

Before she got much further, she caught sight of another person out here, and as she drew nearer, it turned out to be Nate. trying not to look too nervous, or cold, she stopped as he approached, and even managed a tiny smile as he spoke. "I was just...heading back inside. I've been hiding in the barn since activity, it's fucking cold out here and I think I'm allergic to my coat." she explained, shivering a little and trying to stop her teeth chattering. "Where's Ace?" she asked, not really thinking about what she was saying, and looking guilty afterwards. "Sorry, it's just...you two are always together. It's...Are you sure you're not gay?" she mumbled, looking down, wishing she'd just kept walking. Was this where he punched her to the ground and raped her in the snow, or would he prefer to drag her off to the barn? She doubted she'd get out of this in one piece. "Can we go somewhere less freezing?" she added, still stating at the ground. It was worth a try, right?
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Nathanial Schram on Tue Feb 07, 2012 1:19 pm

Nate had barely noticed the cold. The staff had given him a scarf and one of those silly down filled vest things. He’d never understood the point of a vest in cold weather, since it left your arms exposed, but given that he was wearing an extra shirt beneath his long sleeved flannel, he supposed it didn’t matter much. He’d known his extra chores would be outside today, so he’d dressed for the occasion. At some point, there’d been gloves and a hat, but they’d been left somewhere, and the tips of his ears and nose were now a bright cherry red. With his hands tucked deep into the font pockets, they were warm enough, and protected from the wind and cold.

Her questions and comments came pretty quick, just as he was ready to answer one, out came another. Finally, he gave up, although surprise showed in his eyes when she asked after Ace. He’d gotten the distinct feeling that she didn’t like the other boy. Ace seemed to be jealous of Nate’s protection of Ellen. It was a big cluster, and he knew that somehow, it was going to have to be dealt with. At her suggestion to go somewhere warmer, he nodded, and they walked slowly towards one of the sheds that connected to the barn. Once they were inside, he took a seat on a bale of hay, rubbing his hands together and blowing breath on them before speaking, trying to make sure that what he wanted to say would come out correctly.

“I don’t know where Ace is right now, likely in the stables though. And no, Ellen, I’m not gay.” Those were the points he wanted to answer right away. He scrubbed cold hands over the skin of his face, trying to remember the next question, or if there was another question. “Look, I’m sorry for what happened before. I shouldn’t have …” Nate broke off, having trouble even saying what he needed to. “Done what I did, and I hope that you’ll forgive me. And thank you for not telling anyone.” There, he’d gotten it out. The most difficult apology of his life. And not difficult because it was insincere, difficult because he had to accept that he’d hurt someone; someone that hadn’t deserved it. It made him no better than Masterson, and it had been eating at him for weeks. He’d not apologized before because he couldn’t own up to his actions, but now that he had, he felt freer than he had in weeks.

“I’ll keep doing what I can to protect you, if you want me too, but there won’t be a repeat of what happened during the blackout. I won’t let that happen again.” Nate wasn’t going to turn down sex if she offered, but he wasn’t going to force her again. Regardless of what she thought about him, he knew he wasn’t a rapist, and was not going to do it again. “Your vision is fading too. When I first saw you, you were this beautiful avenging angel, standing atop bloodied corpses. It was magnificent.” He was rambling a bit, not even really aware that he was speaking aloud. Mostly, Nate was trying to piece together everything into some sort of sense. It wasn’t working though. It just got even more jumbled as it mixed in his head.

“Fuck, Ellen, I think this place is driving me more insane than I was before I got here.”
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Ellen Taylor on Sat Feb 11, 2012 1:02 am

Nate was right, Ellen really didn't like Ace very much, but for some reason, he seemed to. "Are you sure?" she asked as he spoke. "I mean, really sure? You're spending more time with him than me, half the time I think you're avoiding me, and when I do get near to you, you act like I'm fucking diseased or something. I've never seen you act like that with him." she continued, settling down on a hay bale, keeping a little distance between them. Getting that off of her chest was worth what it'd end up costing her in the long run, she hoped, assuming he didn't just try to prove how straight he was again. She could take it, she knew that, but it wouldn't exactly make life in this cage any easier. Highgrove was seeming smaller each day, and winter certainly wasn't helping with that, though it wasn't like summer, when she could go stare at the fence more easily, was going to be any better.

Oblivious to just how difficult his apology had been, the blonde simply shrugged. "You're not the first, and you won't be the last. Don't worry about it." she replied dismissively. Sure, he'd protect her now, while she interested him, but he had a full year on her, that was a full year she'd be here unprotected (Not that it'd take her that long to find someone new to latch on to), and she doubted she'd ever see him again once they were out of here anyway. Not exactly a big loss, all things considered, with no idea about his inner turmoil she just assumed he thought of her in the same way Travis and various others had over the years. There were hundreds more men like that around, it wouldn't be hard to find another one to take care of her, if it could really be called that. Odds were no-one else would describe it that way.

He spoke again, and she simply nodded, not really believing a word of it. Talk was cheap, promising never to do something again had been Travis' speciality, sometimes he didn't even finish the sentence before he'd already broken the promise. There was nothing to give her any reason to think Nate would be any different. "What am I now then?" she asked as he spoke about visions, wondering if he heard voices to go with them. What kind of an angel stood on corpses, and how fucked up did someone have to be to call that beautiful? He was in a loony bin though, so that gave her some idea. "So what do you see when you look in the mirror anyway?" she asked, again, not really thinking. If he saw her as something from a horror movie, did he see himself as god or something? She wouldn't be surprised. "How insane were you before? I mean, yeah, you see shit, but do your hear voices or something?"
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Nathanial Schram on Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:07 pm

Ellen's scathing declaration of his actions sounded so much worse than he'd imagined. A long, heavy sigh passed his lips and a hand slipped through the brown hair atop his head. "Yes, Ellen, I'm sure. I was avoiding you because I didn't know what to say or how to apologize. I didn't mean to make you feel diseased. I'm sorry." And he was. He didn't like that he'd made her feel bad, about him or about herself. As she took a seat beside him, he looked over and gave her a half smile, seeing motes of dust dance in the wintery sunlight coming in through the doorway. "I like Ace, but it's confusing. I'm not gay, but I might be swinging both ways. I've never liked a guy like that." He gave a shrug. "I don't understand it."

"How can you just accept it? And I do worry about it. I shouldn't have done that. I should have turned myself in so they could put me where I couldn't hurt you. But I was being selfish, especially after what they did to Masterson." He was torn up inside for what he'd done. It made him feel black and evil that he was capable of such rage, and such actions. He'd never believed it possible, and on top of that, he'd liked some of it. That had to be sick. So very sick. He wasn't ever going to tell anyone about that part, he would barely admit it to himself. It was all so wrong and just bad, that he couldn't really begin to explain it all, so it was much better left alone. But left alone, would it grow, would it just fade away, would it nibble at his conscious until he slowly went mad? He wasn't sure, but leaving alone seemed like the best option since he didn't want to think about the others. If it grew, festered, then he could bring it up, but until then, he was just not going to think about it. That had to be good, right?

"Still the avenging angel, but its fainter now. I can see you, not just the vision." He gave another shrug, looking down at his feet on the hay-strewn floor, slowly sliding the stray straw back and forth across the wooden boards. A frown crossed his face when her next question came, and a quiet gasp left him. No one had ever asked him that. Ever. None of the doctors, his parents, his brothers, nobody had ever thought to ask him. Dark eyes slowly rose to hers, the expression inside them devoid of emotion. "You don't want to know what I see. It's too scary." His voice was flat as well. Describing what he saw when he looked into a silvered piece of glass was simply to horrifying to actually speak about.

The more somber mood was broken with her next question, and a rough bark of laughter escaped him. "I don't imagine I'm any more insane than you are, Ellen. I just look at people and see visions of how I think they will die. I don't hear anything though. Mostly, I just see the results, the bloody, broken bodies. You were different, I've never seen anyone that was an angel before. A few people, I don't see anything at all. The funny girl, Laura, is an example of that. Ace gets run over by horses. It's been this way for a long time. But, lately, the visions have been going away. I don't know why." Nate wasn't sure why he was being so honest with the blonde, but perhaps it was because he trusted her. She hadn't told on him after all, maybe she would have some insight into this matter. Even if Ellen didn't have any helpful advice, he felt better having talked about it.
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Ellen Taylor on Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:47 am

"That's a pretty shitty reason you know." Ellen replied to the explanation, her eyes on the ground. He'd probably done it on purpose, wanting her to feel like shit for driving him to it, and it had worked. She was pretty sure he knew it too, and that he'd be doing the exact same thing the next time he wanted to make her feel like this. "I'm pretty sure that just means you're gay." she added as he spoke again, smiling up at him and trying not to let the nervousness snow. She was teasing now, wanting to move on from how she felt about being shunned, she could only hope he took jokes better than Travis had. A comment like that wouldn't have gone over well back with him. Did that mean she was moving on, or was she just fishing for a reaction? She wasn't entirely sure, and tried not to think of it like that. The shrinks would have a field day if they actually gave enough of a shit to talk to her about things like that.

"How can I not?" she replied to his question. "It's...not a new thing. It's happened to me a lot." she added, squirming a little, and shuffling a couple of inches away from him. She didn't want to tell him just how long she'd been enduring that kind of treatment, nor at who's hands, and for who'd benefit, if she did that (and he was actually as good a person as he seemed to act, so hardly likely) then he might never touch her again. Or speak to her; or even look at her. It would only end up making her feel like dirt again, something she wanted to avoid. "What good would that have done?" she asked as he spoke again, moving back towards him, placing one of her hands over one of his. "You'd just get drugged up, and what do you think would happen to me?" she asked, a brief frown crossing her face. Nothing good would come of that, she was certain.

"Which would you rather see?" she asked, gently trying to move the hand she held over onto her thigh. She didn't know much about making guys feel better, especially when they were upset about something they'd done to her, but at least she was trying, right? "Try me." she said, giving him a small grin. "I only get scared about people hitting me. I'm not gonna be scared of what goes on in your head, bet worse goes on in mine sometimes." As if to prove the point, she took her hand off of his to roll back the sleeve of her coat, showing him the long scar on the inside of her forearm. "See? I bet you never did that to yourself." she added, rolling the sleeve back down again, and turning to face him properly. Where was she getting this confidence from? She honestly had no idea. It was kinda nice though, for now.

"I won't let you draw on me again till you tell me." she teased, smiling a little. It was bullshit, she knew it and she was sure he did too, but she was allowed to play around, right? "Maybe you're bored of us?" she asked, "or maybe we're the people who are allowed to live in your world?" she added, smiling a little wider. "I dunno, ask a shrink." she added, shrugging and moving her hand back to his again.
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Nathanial Schram on Fri Feb 17, 2012 11:54 pm

Ellen was right. It was a shitty reason. However, it was the only reason he had, and he tended to err on the side of truth, because lying tended to be to complicated. You had all these stories and keeping them all straight was what tripped people up. He'd never put much thought into what it would make Ellen feel. He'd been thinking of himself. He'd been struggling with the situation with her and Ace. Suddenly, she remarked on his sexuality again, but it was more of a joke than anything serious. Lines formed in his forehead as the corners of pink lips pulled downwards. She'd never teased him before, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. He turned his head, brown eyes looking at the blonde girl sitting next to him with a quizzical expression. Just when he thought he had Ellen figured out, she did something unexpected, and made him realize he didn't really know the girl at all. But that wasn't really news, they'd barely spent any time together.

He didn't like the thought that she'd been through this kind of thing before. Although he didn't generally think of himself as a bad person, he couldn't help but feel that way now. For some reason, he had a lot of empathy for this girl, and he wasn't really sure why. He didn't like her in a romantic sense, not with his feelings for Ace swirling around. Plus, she was simply to confusing. He did feel sorrow for her life being so hard. He'd had it easy compared to her. From the sound of it, her life had sucked royally. His head came up sharply and he sucked in a breath as she placed her hand over his, still talking. "Am I the only one you trust to take care of you?" It was a rather heady thought, being the only one she trusted. It meant that he was solely responsible for her, and Nate wasn't sure he was up to that kind of serious and heavy chore just yet. At the same time, he could see himself doing it. He didn't want her to get hurt.

He wasn't sure what he'd rather see. Her or the angel. The angel was an intriguing vision, different in the sense that she was triumphing over the dead beneath her, rather than becoming dead like the corpses that littered the ground. Ellen however, was quite pretty. If they'd gotten a chance in the real world they might even have grown into being a couple, but with the past they currently had, he couldn't see that happening. Highgrove seemed to make everything so much more complicated than it would be otherwise. "I don't know, Ellen. I think it all depends on my mood." He let her move his hand to her thigh, although he didn't do much but let it rest there. As Ellen spoke about what scared her, he felt shame wash over him, and attempted to pull his hand back, but she was still keeping it touching her, so he tried to relax. The scar she showed him made him frown again. What kind of pain must she have been in to do that to herself?

"Oh, Ellen. I'm sorry." He couldn't share what he saw, could he? It was to terrifying, even to him. But he felt bad for the pain that she had suffered. No one should have to deal with that sort of thing. He gave a small, sort of flat laugh. "What good would asking a shrink do? They'll just assign me extra chores and make me look at people more. I don't think they really want to help us." He gave a slight shrug and then continued. "Do you really want to know what I see? It's .. Even I'm scared of it. I...I see a zombie me." Alright, that was far less graphic than what he actually saw, but it was close. It wasn't the visage that bothered him, the blood and decay he was fine with, he'd seen it so many times with everyone else. It was the utter soullessness of his eyes, the complete lack of life, that scared him and made him try to avoid looking in the mirror.

She covered his hand again, and he dared to peek over and smile. Things seemed somehow better between them, although it was all the effort on her part. Perhaps his apology had been the right thing to do after all. Maybe they could figure out a way to make things work. He bit his lip and then spoke again. Ellen seemed to compel a strange sort of honesty from him. "I like this side of you. The raging hellcat from before can stay away."
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Ellen Taylor on Sun Feb 26, 2012 2:27 pm

Ellen nodded at the question. "Yes." she replied quietly, eyes down. "I mean...I...still keep expecting you to hit me, but..." she trailed off, shrugging. He'd shown what he could do when he wanted to hurt her, and though this was the perfect place for it, he hadn't even tried. It was probably for the best that she didn't know how far his interest in Ace went, blaming herself for turning Nate gay wasn't going to go well with her frame of mind. "I know what you're like, when you get mad. i think." she said, still speaking quietly, and still not looking up at him, "And, well, you're not the worst boyfriend I've had." she added, raising her head at last and giving him a small smile. How else could she explain her willingness to joke around with him? She knew, or at least suspected, that he wasn't going to put her in hospital like Travis would have done, so what was the harm in it? If he stayed true to form, she could take anything he threw out.

"Which would you rather see, right now?" she asked, squeezing his hand gently, wondering what she'd done to turn him off. Maybe he just wanted to fuck the angel right now, not her? "What does the angel look like anyway?" she asked, giving a small smile. "Is it like a bad movie version of me, all guns and miniskirts?" she added, her smile growing into a grin. "I wanna see. You should draw her for me." she added, in a light-hearted tone. He probably wouldn't, or he'd do something annoying like draw her on Ellen's shoulder-blades where she'd never see, but it was worth a try, right? It might even keep him amused the next time he was bored, and keep his mind on her rather than Ace. She hoped at least; oblivious to his feelings, she figured just keeping him distracted from the boy would be enough to remind him he wasn't gay.

"Why? It's not your fault." she replied as he spoke again, shrugging her shoulders. What did he have to apologise for? He hadn't held the knife, she'd done that herself, and she didn't need sympathy for it. "Good point." she added with a grin as the subject changed. She'd never met a shrink who gave a toss, especially not here. She couldn't even remember who hers was supposed to be. "A zombie? Is that it?" she asked as he continued, grinning again, suppressing a laugh. "What's so scary about that? I've seen dawn of the dead, zombies aren't scary. There's a fucking app to make you look like one, that's not scary either." she said, still grinning, idly wondering if taunting his fears was going to count as provoking him. She hoped not, it was kind of nice to be able to talk to him like this, to open up to someone in this dump at long last. Certainly made a change from cowering.

"How much do you like it?" she asked, nudging his hand up her leg a little. "Not a lot of people get to see this side of me. Just the ones I trust, when I know what they're gonna do to me if I piss them off. Dunno if anyone's ever called me a hellcat though. Wanna draw that too?" she continued, biting her bottom lip as she nudged his hand a little higher, wondering if she really needed to try and look innocent for him. probably not, but Travis had enjoyed it.
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Nathanial Schram on Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:46 am

“I’m not like that when I’m mad, Ellen. That night was a rare exception. I have never hurt anyone like that before, and I’ve told you I won’t do it again. I understand that it might be a problem, but I kinda wish you would drop it.” Nate sighed heavily, pulling his hand from her and shoving it through his hair roughly. When it fell, it landed back in the same spot on her thigh, but he barely noticed. “Haven’t I proven by now that I’m not going to hurt you? What do I have to do?” Nate looked at her with pain in his brown eyes, and then looked back at the floor. He was irritated, but trying really hard not to yell at the blonde girl. Why did she continually insist that he was going to harm her? Couldn’t she see past her own experience and see that people weren’t all like what she’d had growing up? He could feel the anger like a tight knot in his throat. To calm down, he took several deep breaths in and out. After a few long moments of silence, her words broke into the quiet between them.

He looked over at her with a slight smile. “I think I’d rather see you. The angel is…amazing, but you are much prettier.” His smile grew wider. Her next question brought forth an almost immediate answer. “”No, no miniskirt and guns. Think bloody swords and flowing white gowns. I could draw her for you, if you had a marker. I think I’d put it on your forearm, if you wanted to see it. You’d have to hide it from them though, otherwise we might be in trouble.” He rolled his eyes, his anger almost completely forgotten. He liked this more playful Ellen, the one that wasn’t always angry and sullen or expecting him to whallop her at every turn. Nathanial knew that he was not a violent person, so the fact that he had lashed out that one time weighed heavy on his heart. He simply tried to forget it as much as possible.

“It’s not the zombie part, it’s the fact that my eyes are completely soulless and dead. That’s what scares me. I don’t ever want to be that far gone.” He was terrified of ever being that dead inside. What would someone have to do to be that dead? To be so soulless that you were simply a shell of the man you used to be. What kind of life was that to lead?

He laughed softly, glad for the change of topic. “I could draw a hell cat if you’d like, I’ll draw anything you like. As long as you don’t mind it being gory and bloody. I have a hard time drawing anything that isn’t that way, at least in the end.” He noticed what she was doing with his hand, urging it ever higher on her thigh, and was a bit shocked. Why would she want to even tempt that after he’d – No, he wouldn’t think about that right now. He’d simply enjoy this time with her and worry about it later.

Emboldened by her actions, Nate lifted his other hand and tipped Ellen’s chin up, then brushed his lips against hers lightly, as if seeking permission for something more. He pressed his lips more fully against hers, enjoying the touch of her skin beneath his own.
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Ellen Taylor on Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:07 am

"I know, but that's the way my head works." Ellen replied as Nate spoke again. She doubted she'd ever get over the expectation; even if she managed to suppress it, she didn't think it would ever leave entirely. it'd always be there, in the back of her mind, reminding her of all the times Travis said he wasn't going to hurt her again, and the multitude of ways he'd broken that promise. He'd fucked her up more than he could ever know. "Sorry." she added, looking down for a moment, then back up at him, shifting a little further towards him, by now pressing herself against his side. At least he hadn't reacted badly to her calling him her boyfriend, but really, what else could she use to describe their relationship? She didn't answer his question though. Chances were he wouldn't like being told just how dark things got in her head sometimes, and even if he wouldn't hit her for it, he'd probably avoid her for a while.

"Oh, that kind of comic book." she teased, grinning as he spoke again. "I still wanna see it. Can't you...um...I dunno, draw it on paper? I don't have a marker on me, and I kinda want to keep some of your stuff. If that's okay with you I mean." she continued, looking back down again, trying not to let the little bit of embarrassment she felt sneak into her voice. "I could pose for it if you like." she added, raising her head once more and grinning again. "You know, get my kit off, you arty types love that, yeah?" she joked, laughing a little and tracing a hand down his chest. "One day, you're gonna have to teach me how to draw." she added, a little quieter, but the smile was still on her face. She doubted it would get very far, she didn't have the talent or ability to draw anything more than stick men, as far as she was concerned anyway. It wasn't like she'd ever paid attention in an art class.

"I don't even know that that means." she replied as he spoke again, trying to lighten the mood again. "I'll tell you if you ever get all zombie eyed though, yeah?" she added, grinning yet again. She could only hope this mood was going to last; sometimes it did, sometimes it was gone in a few minutes. "How about you just draw...me?" she suggested, quieter again. "I mean, angel me, hellcat me, and, well, me me." she added, shaking her head. "Sorry, that doesn't make sense, does it." she added, smile growing as he tilted her head up. Eyes closing as their lips first met, she slipped her arms around him, shifting herself onto his lap and pulling herself close. She hoped what she wanted was obvious now, even to someone who was going to pretend to be oblivious. Everyone knew what boys really thought with after all...
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Ellen Taylor

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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Nathanial Schram on Fri Mar 09, 2012 12:27 am

Nate wasn't entirely certain he cared how Ellen's head worked, except in the cases were it directly affected him. He just knew that she was stuck on the idea that he was going to hurt her. And since he had once, there was really no good reason for her to think otherwise. Her apology went almost completely unnoticed, as had the mention of being her boyfriend. His mind was simply focused on other things, and what she was saying, while important wasn't necessarily coming through as completely as it should perhaps. That and the fact that she was pressed as tight up against him as she could get with clothing on. If she wanted to get any closer, she'd need to climb into his lap or start stripping off clothes. Not that he would put either of them beyond her. She seemed bound and determined to consummate the relationship she saw them having.

Nate shook his head. "I can't draw on paper. I mean, I can, but I won't like it. Things on paper are so lifeless and still. They just don't look as good or work right. It doesn't have the ... I don't know, its hard to explain, but I really don't like drawing on anything but skin. I don't know why you'd want to keep my pictures anyway." Nate shrugged slightly, not sure why she wanted to keep the art he created. It wasn't like his art was worth keeping. It was just lines and blood and violence. Why would any girl want that? Weren't most girls about unicorns and rainbows? As he reflected on this question, it made him smirk a bit. It seemed that Ace was the girl in his life, and Ellen the boy. Now, that was rather amusing. He wasn't sure that either of them would appreciate the outlook though, so he knew he had to keep it to himself. Oh well. At least he could think of it when he needed something to amuse him.

"I could try to teach you, but I'm not all that good. I just draw what I see in my head, sometimes its easy, sometimes its not. And you don't have to model, I've got you saved up here. Besides, I can't draw on paper, so you being without your...kit..would prove unhelpful since I can only draw on skin. Well, not unhelpful, but you know what I mean." He was babbling, mostly to cover his embarrassment at thinking of her naked. He thought she would be beautiful naked and covered in dripping blood. But it would be an untouchable sort of beauty, definitely not what Ellen seemed to be thinking about.

"It makes sense. I can draw you anytime you'd like, except now, because I don't have anything to draw with." Once again, Nate shrugged. He kissed her then, and was taken aback at her rather enthusiastic response. He hadn't expected that. Well, he would, it was Ellen and she didn't seem to mind that he'd already had sex with her once in a bad situation. The kiss continued for another minute, and then he pulled back. "Ellen, I want to, but its freezing out here, and the staff will punish us both. We'll find some other time, promise."
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Ellen Taylor on Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:33 pm

"No-one's ever wanted to draw me before, so why wouldn't I keep it?" Ellen asked, smiling at Nate. "It's kinda hard to draw it on me where I can see it, but where no-one else is gonna be able to, isn't it? I mean, I don't want you to get in shit for it or anything, and if I'm walking around with angels and blood and stuff drawn all over me, they'll probably chuck me in seclusion too. I just figured paper would be easier." she added, shrugging. The staff probably wouldn't like finding the drawings like that either, depending on how violent they really were she guessed. That or how pornographic they were, Nate WAS a teenage boy after all. The thought of tits and violence were the only things that kept most of them going as far as Ellen was concerned, especially when they were combined. Travis had certainly liked that, but she shouldn't be thinking about him anymore.

"You're better at it than me, I've never even tried." she continued with a shrug as he brushed off her request. It had been a nice idea, but she supposed she shouldn't be all that surprised. he wasn't a teacher after all, abd while spending more time with him as she learnt might have been fun, he clearly wasn't interested. It'd probably eat into his time with Ace, she supposed, though she didn't comment on it. "How would it be unhelpful?" she asked, grinning as her train of thought moved on to something more interesting, "You'd have more to draw on?" she added, feigning an innocent look for a couple of seconds, before laughing. "Would I really be that distracting?" she asked once she'd managed to stop, grinning once again. Did that mean he liked her, as she was assuming, or that she was far uglier than she realised at the moment? Another thing she shouldn't be thinking about.

A minute was long enough for Ellen to press herself into him, even to grind a little against him, but when Nate broke the kiss, she wasn't all that surprised. His excuse was a good one though, there wasn't a guy on the planet who liked stripping off in cold weather. "Aww." she said, sliding out of his lap, looking down. "Sorry, I guess I got a little carried away." she continued, forcing herself to look up at him again. As excuses went, she'd heard much, much worse, especially if he meant what he said. "Do you always keep your promises?" she teased, though the lighthearted tone was a little forced. The staff hadn't caught them last time, they probably wouldn't this time either, but she wasn't going to force the issue. Who knew? Maybe he only liked sex if he was taking it by force. She could deal with that, she supposed. It was something she'd find out later on, hopefully.
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Re: Now what? (Ellen)

Post  Nathanial Schram on Thu Mar 22, 2012 1:18 am

"I just don't like paper. I can't really explain it better than that. And I could draw on your stomach or thigh or something. I mean, you'll see it, but no one else will." It was the best solution he had at the moment. He hadn't really thought about it lately. The need to draw just hadn't been as strong, so he'd not been focusing on it. "Paper might be easier for most people, but not me." He gave a shrug, not really knowing what else to say or how to explain it. It was what it was, and that was all he really had to say about it.

Nate blushed as Ellen teased him. "You would be... It's .... " He tried to explain in stumbling words and phrases, not able to fully tell her what was going through his head. Not even really sure that she wanted to know. Finally, he swallowed hard, and closed his eyes, speaking in a fast rush, like the words wouldn't come out unless he pushed them. "It would awe me that you would trust me that much, and the vision of you is such untouchable beauty that my art would not be able to do it justice. I would only ruin that sight, and I can't imagine doing that." He stopped for a breath, then continued. "You're just such a beautiful angel, Ellen. You can't even imagine." He shook his head and gave another sigh. He really couldn't even begin to explain what he saw, and sometimes he wished he could. Perhaps people would understand, but even that was unlikely.

He missed her warmth the moment that she slid from his lap. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to stop this, but deep down he knew it wasn't. He didn't have the feelings for her she seemed to have for him. Leading her on to keep himself warm wasn't right. He gave her a smile and picked up her hand, kissing the back of it lightly. "Yes, I do." As much as possible. That part was kept to himself. No need to over analyze or make her wonder if this promise was one that he wouldn't keep. He could tell that she was forcing her cheerful tone, and he felt sad, but he didn't know how to make it easier for her, considering that she really did seem to feel far more than he did.

"We'll find a time and place where staff isn't a consideration, alright?" He wasn't entirely sure what he'd do with her in that time, since he had no plans of consummating the relationship. Perhaps they'd get interrupted or somehow he'd manage to avoid it. There was really no telling in this place. Some things seemed to go the way you wanted, others didn't.
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