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Post  Ace Finn on Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:31 pm

This is a thread, obviously, for delicious foodstuffs. Because we would all die without foodstuffs.

Without further ado...

I finally snagged the recipe from my grandmother, oh lady of the spilling of the vodka on the cheese... Unfortunately, she assumes everyone knows the measurements, so she didn't write them. Also, the directions are all pulled from my memories of making them when I was little. Gah. Fortunately, they aren't rocket science. If you can stuff dough with potatoes and whatever else, you can figure out the rest.

5 cups flour
2 eggs
1 cube margarine (stick of butter)
1 cup milk

Beat the eggs and set aside in a large mixing bowl. Put milk and butter in saucepan, and heat until butter melts. Add this to the eggs. Slowly add flour (you may not need all of it) and mix, until dough forms.

Mashed potatoes. I have no idea how much. Just... mash some potatoes, kay? You can put some cheese in them. Cheddar is really good. Sour cream and chives can go in them, bacon, sauteéd onions, well, anything you put on a baked potato. Or, you can put in sauerkraut and/or kilbasa/Polish sausage, chopped small. Artistic license. Anyway, put your stuffs in your taters. Set them aside.

Scatter some flour over your working surface, and roll out the dough with a rolling pin. It should be fairly thin, but thick enough that it won't fall apart if you pick them up. Maybe 1/4 inch or so. Cut out some circles and set them all aside. Re-knead the dough, re-roll, re-cut, until you have a bunch of circles and little or no extra dough.

To make one, lay a circle out flat. Put in some of your potato mixture--fill about half the circle, but leave room at the edges to press it. I always used to especially enjoy the task of sealing them up. You might have to put a little water in between the edges to make them stick, but then you fold the other half over and make the edges meet. Then, take a fork and smash the edges together.

In a pan, sauteé some onions, mushrooms if you want, sauerkraut if you want, in some butter. Meanwhile, boil the pierogies for about two minutes. Move them over to the pan and sauteé them with the onions for a while. Add salt and black pepper.

You can freeze excess pierogies, and to cook them, just boil them until they're soft and sauteé, just like you would with boxed freezer-aisle pierogies.


The Soda Bread that Did Not Suck

1 cup buttermilk (OR 1 scant cup milk with 2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar)
2 cups all purpose flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

If you're using the buttermilk substitute, stir milk and vinegar together. Let stand about ten minutes.

Preheat oven to 400 F. Grease baking sheet. (I use butter, like I'm Paula Deen, bitches...)

Mix together dry ingredients. Gradually stir in buttermilk and turn dough out onto a well-floured surface. Knead, shape into a round. Cut an X into the top and throw on the baking sheet.

Bake until golden brown, about 45 minutes.

Last edited by Ace Finn on Thu Jan 12, 2012 11:08 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Post  Verne Fitzwilliam on Tue Dec 13, 2011 3:37 pm

Ghost's Traditional Scottish Petticoat Tails (Shortbread)

Highgrove Home for Wayward Delicious Foodstuffs Documentarticlecvrsfscl

Right, so this one took some trial and error, but finally I have created real Scottish shortbread successfully. Recipe courtesy of the Encyclopaedia of British Food, with some tweaking.

    100g Softened Unsalted Butter
    50g Granulated Sugar (Caster if you have it)
    150g All Purpose Flour
    50g Rice Flour
    Good Pinch of Salt

    First, cream the sugar and butter together until light and fluffy. (I use a stand mixer with a whisk attachment on high for this, constantly scraping the bowl down to incorporate ingredients.)

    Then gradually cut the mixed flours and salt into the butter mixture with a pastry blender until all the flour is blended in and the mixture has the consistency of breadcrumbs. Do not over-work the mixture. (I imagine you could do it with a fork if you're ambitious and have a freakish Hulk Arm.) Do not be tempted to add any other wet ingredients. This mixture will not form a dough.

Pastry Blender
Highgrove Home for Wayward Delicious Foodstuffs Aaaadarnar0aaaaaarcgmg

    Pour the breadcrumb consistency mixture into a 7 inch round cake pan or tin. A small brownie pan may work for this too so long as you don't spread the mixture so thin that it will break apart. A pan with a removable bottom would be ideal, for ease of removing shortbread later.

    Gently press the mixture down into the tin. It should be firm but not totally compressed, else the shortbread will be too hard and thick. Conversely, if it's not packed enough, the shortbread will be fragile and crumbly.

    Prick the shortbread all over with a toothpick or a fork, and flute the edges if you like. (Pinch between knuckles gently. It will crumble a lot but don't panic. It will still be delicious.) Gently score the round into 8 pieces with a very sharp knife. (You don't need to cut it all the way through.)

    Put the pan into an oven preheated to 325 degrees fahrenheit for 40 minutes or until pale straw coloured. (It should not be brown. The appearance will not change much from the uncooked version. Some browning around the edges is normal.)

    Remove from oven and let stand for five minutes before sprinkling liberally with granulated sugar and cutting gently into the 8 pieces with a sharp knife. Allow to cool thoroughly before removing from the pan.

    And then, enjoy!

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Post  Keziah Biard on Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:20 am

Lindi's Creamsickle Holiday Punch

This is a bit less well...technical than the previous recipes because seriously you guys, it's a freaking punch. A simple sugar kick that in my family is only served twice a year because it's sweet, sweet sugary wrong in a teeny glass cup.


Vanilla bean Ice cream, 1 half gallon

Orange sherbert, 1 half gallon

Orange Soda, 1 liter

Orange juice, 6 cups

Optional, 1 liter Ginger Ale

place the icecream and sherbert at the bottom of your punch bowl and try to break them up as much as you can then slowly pour the juice in to prevent splashing, stir add the soda (s). Stir again, let it sit for about 5 minutes, then enjoy.
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Post  Ace Finn on Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:12 am

Sooo... Ghost mentioned fried green tomatoes. Then, I realized I have the recipe for the ones from the original Whistlestop cafe, in Irondale, Alabama. (Only good thing I got for being from there, maybe.) So, I had to post for two reasons:

1. We need moar recipes.

2. Three words: Fried. Green. Tomatoes.

So, here we go.

3 or 4 green tomatoes
1 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup cornmeal
1/2 teaspoon each salt and pepper
veggie oil

Mix flour, cornmeal, salt, and pepper. Then, add enough milk to make a nice, thick batter. Dip your tomato slices in it, and shake off the excess. (or wipe, if you want to keep your counter clean, but seriously, fuck counters. Paper towels be expensive.)

Fry them in HOT! oil. Turn if needed, but if you use a shit-ton of oil, you don't need to, 'cause it'll be like deep-frying them. If your oil isn't HOT!, they'll just get soggy. Ew.

Drain them in a colander. You can line it with a paper towel, but don't drain them on a plate with a paper towel, or else, again, they'll get soggy.

Very Happy

Yep, so simple, yet so amazing. And you can use it for pickles, too.
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Post  Ghost on Thu Jan 12, 2012 5:35 am

Sausage Rolls, Goddamnit!

Highgrove Home for Wayward Delicious Foodstuffs Sausagerolls
Because you americans need sausage rolls. Badly.

You Will Need:
    1 Package of Premade, Frozen Puff Pastry.
    1 Tubey Thing of Loose Breakfast Sausage. (I like Bob Evans. I imagine Jimmy Dean would work too.)
    1 Egg, lightly beaten (for sealing and glazing)

Note: These Are Not Sausage Rolls and Should be Burned with Fire.
Highgrove Home for Wayward Delicious Foodstuffs Pigsblanketay1875396l

    1. Prepare yourself for a foray into a land of inconceivable deliciousness. (I recommend getting an extra pair of pants.)

    2. Take the pastry out of the freezer and remove the two packages from the box. Let them sit at room temperature on the counter long enough that they thaw, but not long enough that they become room temperature themselves.

    Note: Do not let your puff pastry get warm in any way. If it's starting to get gooey at all, stick it back in the fridge ASAP until it firms up again. Failure to keep your puff pastry sheets chilled will result in the annihilation of the human race unsatisfactory puffing and ultimately disappointing sausage rollness.

    3. When the puff pastry is thawed but still cool, remove the sheets from their sleeves and GENTLY unfold then on a counter top. They will be creased in likely 2 places if you buy the same stuff I do (It's pepperidge farms or pillsbury or something). Don't worry, we'll be cutting along these lines anyway.

    4. With an extremely sharp knife, divide your sheet-o-pastry into thirds, along the foldey lines.

    Note: For best pastry puffing, use the sharpest knife you can get a hold of, so as not to squish the puff layers together at the edges. Any squished edges will not puff well.

    5. Sausage Time. With your thirds laid out, now you're going to make a horrible mess of your hands and meticulously lay down a thin line of loose sausage right down the middle of each, lengthways. You'll see why I say thin later, when it comes to rolling.

Note: I don't seal my edges like you see in this picture,
though I suppose you could if you're a filthy turncoat. : )
(I roll my edges under each other.)

Highgrove Home for Wayward Delicious Foodstuffs 6a00d83451d24769e201348

    Note: While you may love sausage and want to add more, be aware that extra sausage means extra cooking, and puff pastry is a fickle mistress. If you add too much sausage, you run the risk of turning your sausage rolls into Stalingrad.

    6. Roll the sausage rolls, of course! Okay, so to be more accurate, you're going to use the egg wash and a basting brush to just barely moisten the one edge, then roll the long tube, tucking one edge under the egg brushed edge, so that the egg forms a sort of glue (or, it will when it cooks. Right now it's just going to make a mess). It'll look kind of weird and skinny and nothing at all like a sausage roll, but don't worry.

    7. With a very sharp knife, divide your tubes either into bite-size sausage rolls, as pictured above, or just cut them in half or into thirds (below). If you make longer sausage rolls, you'll want to use the sharp knife to slice the tops in a few places (like a french loaf). Move to a cookie sheet.

Highgrove Home for Wayward Delicious Foodstuffs Sausageroll02

    8. Brush the tops of the sausage rolls with a little of the beaten egg, as this will help with browning and over-all delicious appearance. If you don't have egg, use milk. Failure to glaze will result in pale, sickly looking sausage rolls. The Cecils of the sausage roll world, if you will. (Kind of like the ones at the top of this post, actually...)

    9. Deliver your sausage tubes (on a baking sheet) to an oven preheated to 400 degrees Fahrenheit (This is the magic temperature for all things puff pastry.) For bite sized sausage rolls, about 25 minutes a batch should do it. The sausage rolls are done when the pastry is a deep golden brown colour and the sausage is cooked through, of course. (Again, this is why it's important not to over-stuff them, though if you've made it this far, you'll realise that overstuffing is almost impossible anyway, with the width of the pastry strips.)

    10. Remove cooked sausage rolls from oven, allow to cool from nuclear temperature, and then proceed to stuff your face before anyone else can steal any. (Be careful, sausage roll cooking spawns ninjas that will come out of the woodwork to try and eat all of your delicious pastry treats. I recommend guarding them with firearms and a crazed expression.)

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Post  Dilwen Vaughan on Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:09 pm

Miniature Taco-Like Deliciousness

My cousins make these all the time. They are a delicious, low-effort snack that can also make an awesome meal, and the best part is that they're gluten-free, so everyone can have some!

- 1 bag (preferably family-size) Tostito's Scoops.
- 1 lb ground beef
- Shredded cheese (I use the Sargento Finely-Shredded Fiesta Blend, but you can use cheddar, jack, any kind you want to)
- 1 packet taco seasoning (optional)
- Sour cream (optional)


1. Preheat oven to 250.

2. Brown the ground beef in a skillet. If you want to, add the taco seasoning to the meat while you brown it. Drain.

3. Arrange the Tostitos on a baking tray. Don't worry about spacing, just be careful not to break any. I only use the ones that are whole (and I usually eat any "defective" ones while I'm working).

4. Put a spoonful of the ground beef mixture into each shell. Be careful not to over-fill.

5. Sprinkle cheese on top, as little or as much as you want, but try not to get it on the tray.

6. Put in the oven for 5 minutes. (The meat is already cooked--this is just to melt the cheese into the meat. You could do it in the microwave, I guess, but that's cheating, and it never tastes as good anyway.)

7. Don't bother waiting for them to cool down--they're better hot. Top it with a dollop of sour cream if your heart so desires, and enjoy!
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