Do Not Read (Faith's SECRET Diary)

I'm not too good at keeping diaries or anything. I only write when I'm upset or bored or angry... I suppose I'm the second one now. Being in this place is so boring. Nothing to do. I've spent most of my time so far in my room, wandering around outside, in the attick (I'll write more about that later, that's actually cool!) or following this stupid timetable. Meal times, classes, when we're allowed to shower, shit, sleep... It's like being in prison. I hate it.

On my first day I met this kid with a really weird name, Ilias. He's a cutter, too, and we hung out for a while. That was in this loft thing, that's meant to be off bounds to us kids, but is really easy to get into. It was kinda awkward, I was really weird, and we both cried a bit. But it was still nice. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him. He stutters and is really shy and cute, I don't find him scary at all. I think we could be friends, maybe.

God, how pathetic do I sound? "Maybe I'll be friends with the nice boy..." It sounds like I LIKE him. Well, I don't. I'm just sick of not talking to anybody and he's somebody who gets the whole cutting thing.

I met another kid up in the attik, another boy. (I know...) I met him when I was in the chatroom thing. He's called Ace, and he stood up for me... There was some stupid fucking idiot saying stupid stuff when three of us (Ace, me, and someone else, don't know who) were all talking. So I told them to get lost and then Ace sorta agreed but I got upset and said some stupid stuff that I don't wanna think about...

Whatever. I ended up in the loft again and Ace was there, and, well, he's nice as well. There are some nice kids here. But there are also some COMPLETE AND UTTER FREAKS. We had a group therapy a while ago, during the 'scheduled activites' time, and I met the CREEPIEST people.

Who was there? I probably won't be able to remember them all... But I can definitely remember at least TWO of them, the SCARIEST people I have EVER met. Aside from

Ace and Ilias was there, adn they're okay. Kizzy, my roommate, was there. She's crazy. She pulls her hair out all the time and is a complete bitch, I haven't really spoken to her. Then there was a guy called Harold, and he told us all how he killed a hamster and likes to hurt people. And a guy called Aub-something who can't eja cu get off unless he sees blood. THEY ARE FREAKS!

I don't want to be locked in a place with people like that. And the doctor is terrifying. Bjorgen, and he acts like he wants us all to break down in tears, which I almost did. I joked about something from the chat (that only Ace would have got) and he was just a complete jerk, and made me explain it in front of everyone... I hate him. I hate everyone here, except Ace and Ilias. Everyone else can go stick a feather duster up their asses and die, that's how much I care about most of them. Freaks.

I said before that I'm not very good at writing in these things. But a lot has been going on that I thought definitely needed to be written down. I don't even know where to start...

Well, the main bit first: there was a blackout. Some big storm or something (and I mean, BIG STORM!) that wiped out the school for a few days. We all went a little crazy... Well, I didn't. I spent the first night hiding in the second floor rec room like a terrified bunny. But guess who came in? Elias.. (I found out that's how his name is spelt. Not Ilias. Close, though.) I suppose that technically, I slept with him. Just not in...that way!

We had this huge snowball fight the second day, and...well. Remi, the guy that asked me to dance at the ball (I didn't write about that. There was a dance and dinner thing. And Remi asked me to dance) KISSED me. We were throwing snowballs at each other and having a good time and I...I guess I was flirting with him. I don't know what French boys think is flirting. But I jumped on him to throw snow on him and then he KISSED ME. And you know what my first impressions of being kissed were? There is freezing snow down my neck and this is my first kiss and we are SO about to get yelled at by security. I guess there were no fireworks.

I didn't really act too normal. I shoved him away and ran inside, and then did my best to ignore him. I think he's like, socially retarded or something, because he came and sat with me when I was sending out my best FUCK OFF PLEASE signs to the whole world. So I moved to sit with Kizzy (she got lost in the snow storm. I was worried about her, but now I know better and wish she'd died, she probably just got lost on purpose. Stupid attention whore) and he followed me and in the end I just went over to Ace. And guess what I found out?

'BB', the person who was such a bitch in the chatroom (the focus of my last entry, I think) is no other then our very own Kizzy The Whore. And she acts like such a nice innocent friendly little girl, when really she's the biggest bitch I've ever met. (that's what BB should stand for. Biggest Bitch.) I went over and...guess I went a bit over the top. Screamed at her a bit, in front of everyone. Some random guy (the man she got lost with, bet they were just fucking in the stables) got in between us, and Remi was acting like he was about to pull me away, like I was a five year old having a tantrum. Honestly, he really is retarded. In the end I just left and haven't spoken to the little bitch ever since.

So, sort of exciting stuff happening... But I'm going now. I can't write for too long, Biggest Bitch might be back soon, and we definitely don't want that. I think I'm going to wake up with a knife in my throat one day... She's such a FREAK.