Egg Hunting (Laura)

It was chores time for Faith and a few other residents at Highgrove - the rest were in therapy, or allocated the precious 'free time' between getting analyzed by a shrink and cleaning up horse shit. That day, rather then having to feed and water the cows (a task she hated; how did she know they weren't going to kick her?) she had been assigned to collecting the eggs. Not the easiest of tasks, due to their annoying habit of laying them everywhere in their small yard, but far better then having to show a bunch of idiotic animals where their water was, because they'd die of dehydration otherwise.

Deciding to start off in the hens house, leaving the yard-searching until later, Faith knelt down at the entrance and gingerly peeked inside. The chickens had been let out, as always during the day, meaning she was safe from being clucked at. Tiny or not, those hens were scary. The smell was disgusting; the aroma of ten chickens that were locked in a small box every night, a box that was rarely cleaned well. (At least, rarely cleaned well if Faith was in charge of the cleaning. She wasn't sure how thorough Cecil and Elias were.) Wrinkling her nose, she eyed each nest carefully. If she obviously did a poor job, she'd probably get into trouble, if the chores supervisor decided to check. "Eggs, eggs, wherefort are you eggs?" she muttered, using the phrase in the wrong context but feeling poetic nevertheless. Spying a few, she loaded them into the stupid looking basket she was forced to use, cringing at the bits of crap that were attached to a few of them. If I get mad chicken disease, I could so sue.

The task only took a few minutes, and she did most of it on auto-pilot, preferring to spend her time daydreaming. Some of it was spent thinking about the dance, mostly regarding how it could have gone differently; if she hadn't rejected Remi, and been so stupid later on*. If she had asked Elias to dance, or at least hinted that she wanted him to ask her... Even thinking about it made her blush. She didn't like Elias, not like that. They were just friends because they spent some time together - they were in the same chores group, and they had a couple therapy sessions together. Faith had managed to convince herself that she was completely asexual; even since she had hit puberty and...desires had kicked in, she had still pretended that they weren't there and that she wasn't really interested in anybody sexually. It was hard to let that go, especially when the boy in question was Elias.

He was nice, she knew. He didn't appear to be the sort of boy that would be mean, unless he was provoked. But she was ninety-nine percent sure that he was gay - always a negative factor in a boy you liked like that. Besides, she reminded herself, she didn't like Elias. She didn't even like boys, and she had only wanted to dance with him because they were friends. Right?

Deciding to simply not think about the topic anymore, Faith withdrew her head from the hen-house, almost, as always, hitting her head on the small door. Close. Picking up her basket and turning around, ready to complete the annoying egg-hunt, she noticed a kid sitting on the fence, legs swinging. No, not a kid;

Laura had gone to visit the cows. And the other animals, but mostly the cows. She hadn’t minded moving again so much once she knew there were animals around, although she didn’t know if they’d like her. But she’d been told there were quite a few. Besides, if they didn’t like her she could always go somewhere else. She knew there was a library, but finding it would be hard because she couldn’t remember the tour very well. She was too busy avoiding touching people. At least hunting for it would keep her occupied.

She found the chickens first, which was good. It meant she was getting closer. And chickens were good. There was a girl in there with the chickens too, but Laura was pretty sure the girl didn’t think she was a chicken. She was sure that could happen, but this girl wasn’t clucking. Instead of asking the girl if she was a chicken or maybe pretending, Laura sat on top of the fence and watched, being careful to not accidentally kick one of the birds. As whoever this girl was came out of the chicken’s house, Laura decided she definitely didn’t think she was a chicken. She had eggs in her hands and chickens don’t have hands. She wasn’t entirely sure why she’d thought it in the first place, but people did think strange things. But then, Laura reminded herself, it wasn’t like she knew much. She didn’t even know about particles.

Deciding it was far too late to jump back over the fence and run away, she smiled and waved. “Can I help? I like chickens! I like cows best but I like chickens too. They have soft feathers and everything. How do you know there’s not a baby chicken inside?” She bounced off the fence and stood there for a moment. Was she allowed in here? If this girl didn’t touch her, things would be ok, wouldn’t they? Laura wished she knew all the rules. “Do you like cows? They’re my favourite animal. Especially black and white ones because they look like zebras where the colours bunched up. And they have milk! Which is ice cream, and then that’s yummy. Especially chocolate. And they have big eyes. Do you think they’d like me? I’m worried about that. I don’t like it when people don’t like me. It’s scary.”

Gnawing her lip, Laura stared at the chickens for a moment as they pecked about, making chicken sounds and doing the appropriate chickeny things. “Do you think they’re happy? I hope they are. My name’s Laura. What’s yours?” She was still feeling a bit thrown by the new surroundings. Some of her bounce had got lost somewhere along the way and Laura was tired. And she felt homesick again. Not that this was in any way unfamiliar, but it had been better earlier… “Do you think there’ll be baby chickens soon? They’re all fluffy and yellow! I like chicks. They’re funny and cute and everything.” Laura had a short pause to think of something else to say. “Do you like it here? Is it nice?” She was aware this didn’t sound entirely normal, but she wasn’t sure what normal was right now. Some food and sleep and she’d be fine. Probably… She did hope that the people here liked her a little more than the people at the last place. They had cows though. How bad could it be, really?

Faith straightened up from her egg-gathering crouch slowly, holding the basket in one hand. No amount of time spent in foster homes, psychiatric wards or Highgrove -which appeared to be somewhere in between- had prepared her for the utter insanity that was coming out of the small girls mouth. In silence, she stared at Laura, almost fascinated to see if she would stop talking at any point, or if the babbling would continue incessantly. It was a strange experience; like she was spending time with a five year old in primary school. Except she wasn't five years old, and nor was the crazy chicken girl - she just acted five.

Laura had stopped for breath and Faith jumped in as the small girl seemed to watch the chickens. She really was one of those straight people that actually liked the animals, then; they definitely had nothing in common. "How old are you?" she asked, genuinely curious. "You're new right? Oh God, don't tell me you're in my dorm." She thought about it. When she'd left the room that morning for lessons - yes, there had been one spare bed. It was likely that they would be sharing, after all. Faith felt a strange kind of grim satisfaction when she considered the fact that it wouldn't be just her that would have to put up with Laura: all her roommates would have to suffer as well. Thirty seconds into meeting the girl and Faith was already making judgements; it was a record.

The kid was off again and she sighed, knowing that she probably had to answer some questions the second time around. "I'm Faith. And no, it's the middle of winter. If baby chicks hatched now, they'd die." She looked at the eggs in her basket. "And I don't think we get baby chicks here, anyway. You need a roster to make them, and we don't have one. Besides, someone would probably just kill them, anyway." She thought of Hamster Killing Boy again, and mentally ammended her sentence. Someone would definitely kill them.

Faith actually thought about her response to the last, for about two seconds, of Laura's questions. Did she like it at the hospital? Her first instinct was to say no, of course not; it was like a prison. The second question, about the place being nice, was laughable. Of course it wasn't nice, that seemed to be the point of the place, to be as hellish as possible. Before she blurted out the negatives, probably terrifying the new kid, she actually thought - what were the positives?

It took her a few seconds to reply. "I don't like it," she told Laura, her voice thoughtful. "But I don't hate it. It's nicer than the last foster home I was at. Some of the people here are nice. I guess...you just have to look out for the ones that aren't." Realizing that she was babbling, and on the verge of saying something she would regret (either about the certain boy she thought was very nice, or about how much she hated her roommates, which would definitely get back to them) Faith shrugged, ending her answer. "It's up to you, I suppose," she said finally. "Some people like it, some people don't. How come you're here, anyway?"

Laura had seen the same look of muddled disbelief on the faces of so many people by now she didn’t take much notice. It had worried her at the start but she had quickly learned that if she asked why they looked like that people would say ‘nothing’ or ‘it’s just’ if they felt polite and the problem was invariably something Laura didn’t quite understand. It was easier just to carry on and hope the person didn’t mind too much.

“I’m 14. My birthday was in November. When’s yours?” She wriggled her toes in her shoes and stared at the ground. It had been a very different birthday. Normally on her birthday they ate some lemony cake and watched David Attenborough, and that was all. She knew other people sang a song on their birthdays and people gave them things, but she wasn’t sure why. For living a whole year? Maybe that was it. They were all glad the person didn’t die or something. But nobody knew where she was before and they thought she’d died and the people on her birthday hadn’t even known her for a whole year. She liked the colouring pencils they got her, and she was glad because the ones she’d had before had gone right down to the tiny-stump stage and she’d had to contort her hands into odd shapes whenever she wanted to colour anything green and sharpening them had been an undertaking that involved careful consideration, meticulous preparation and a lot of care. She’d kept her old pencils anyway.

“I only arrived today. I don’t know anyone yet but there was a nice person who showed me things but I can’t remember where things were now. There were lots of other people’s things in the dorm and there was only one bed with nobody in it so I had to go there, is that your room? It was nice. Are the other people there nice?” She hoped they were. But if they weren’t that was ok too. She was sure even if they didn’t like her they had to be nice people anyway. They just didn’t like her probably. They would be sharing their space with an evil person after all, it wasn’t like she was allowed to be upset if they weren’t nice to her. Even if it was scary. See? She didn’t even mind that this girl didn’t want to share with her. Not a lot anyway. It was ok. Maybe if they really wanted her gone she could sleep on the floor in the corridor. At least you couldn’t fall out of the floor in the middle of the night…

She frowned. This was true. It was very cold, and she nodded thoughtfully. “The chicks probably would turn into chick shaped icicles… chickcicles!” She giggled. Maybe it was good they didn’t arrive until spring. She wished she could see them… oh well. Maybe Uncle Kenneth would let her watch some on the telly. “Why do you need a rooster anyway? They don’t lay eggs. Only girl chickens make eggs, and they had a shell so bad stuff can’t get in and hurt the baby, so what was a rooster supposed to do? And how was he supposed to get to them? Especially if the mum chickens are sitting on them, to keep them warm. Do you think it’s uncomfortable sitting on the eggs?” She tried it once, but they all broke and there was goo everywhere. Uncle Kenneth hadn’t been pleased. The kitchen had looked like an uncooked omelette of massive proportions. Instead of explaining this to Faith, she frowned. How come chickens didn’t break the eggs?

Spotting an egg, Laura went over to it, meticulously avoiding chickens, and cradled it in her hand. She stroked the outside for a moment, wondering how on earth they were so well shaped for hands if humans weren’t even making them, then, as carefully as if the egg had been made of glass, gave it to Faith. “Why would people hurt the baby chicks?” She was mystified. Little yellow balls of fluff didn’t hurt anyone, and they grew up and made chickens and though Laura ate chicken and knew that chicken came from chickens she wasn’t sure why you’d kill a little chick. You couldn’t eat it, it was too teeny tiny and if there wasn’t any reason to kill it, why would you? Unless you stepped on them by accident. Maybe that’s what Faith meant. “I like your name lots. It’s pretty. Can I help you with the egg hunting? Please?”

She’d already helped, but that wasn’t really the point. If Faith wanted to do all the eggs on her own, Laura should just stand there and not help. It was like hide and seek, but with eggs. Laura liked hide and seek. It had been her very favourite game when she was little, and she still liked hiding places sometimes. Even though the people thought it was silly. It made her feel a little better. Like she could pretend she’d done things right and they hadn’t found her. She shook the thought off. No crying. Crying wasn’t allowed.

Looking out for the ones that aren’t nice seemed like an idea to Laura. And now would be a good time to point out things. “Like me.” She volunteered, looking around for another egg. She assumed that was what they were doing anyway. “I’m evil.” Laura decided this was explanation enough and bent down to try and stroke the chicken closest to her. “When did you get here? Where did you live?” She didn’t want to ask why the other girl was here in case she didn’t feel like telling her. It was safer to just let things like that be. She didn’t like telling people she was evil, but she had to do it. “What’s your favourite animal?”

Faith decided that Laura seemed to fit more into the 'batshit insane' category, rather than the 'murderer: to be avoided' one, and turned her back to begin searching for more eggs. "I'm fifteen," she answered warily. "July." She suddenly began to regret all the questions she had asked, as the kid appeared to take them literally and fire off the answers one by one. Groaning quietly, she took a few steps away as if in search of more eggs, but realized that the chicken yard was too small: there was no escape. Unless she skipped out on her chores early, but that would only result in having to do twice the amount the next day. And who knew? There was a chance that Laura would arrive then and blather on for the full two hours, as well.

She sighed. "Yes, that's my dorm. And no, the people in there aren't nice. They're all horrible and...mean and they...um, are violent." Faith wasn't a very convincing liar, but her back was to the little girl, hopefully making it a little more convincing. "Maybe you should ask for a room change?" She realized how mean that sounded and bit her lip, then told herself to toughen up. If she wanted to be nice, then she'd have to put up with Laura: it was her call. Even after two minutes with the kid she wanted to brain one of them. The next few years would be unbearable.

Thinking about her roommates for a little while, she frowned. Were any of them really that bad? Kizzy was a bit of a douche, but she knew that already. And the others... She didn't even know any of their names, let alone their personalities. That was probably bad. Feeling a little regretful about that (what would they think of her?) she vowed to make sure she got to know the others better. Maybe not Laura, Faith thought she already knew that one too well, but the others. The girls should stick together, after all

Why do you need a rooster, anyway? "Isn't that the question?" she muttered, smirking. Obviously, Laura hadn't grown up on a farm. Or anywhere near a sex education program. "Maybe you should ask your therapist that," she answered. "And if the chickens don't sit on the bloody eggs, they die. Just like if they hatch in winter. Because they're cold. Like...living in your mum before you're born, right?" That sounded stupid, but for some reason she didn't want to say anything even vaguely related to sex: a womb, for instance. As well as it probably sparking some embarrassing questions from Laura, the kid just seemed...innocent. Faith didn't want to ruin that. Mentally kicking herself for even having the thought (she was obviously turning into Mother bloody Teresa) she grabbed another egg and dumped it in the basket, a little more violently than was probably safe if she wanted to avoid getting goo on her hands.

Faith decided to let Laura know the score about the home. "Yeah." She turned and faced her. "There's this kid here, a boy, and he flushed a hamster down the toilet when he was a kid, because he thought it was funny. Someone like that would do something awful to the cute, little baby chicks... Like ripping off their heads, or strangling them, or crushing them." She smirked. "And that's why we eat the eggs instead of letting the chicks hatch." Hoping that Laura wouldn't burst into tears, she turned away again, grabbing another damn egg. Why did the chickens always make them so difficult to find? "Feel free to help. And...thanks. It's just a name." Not sure what to say to that, Faith shrugged, deciding against complimenting Laura back. She didn't want the two to become friends or anything, God forbid.

"You're...evil," she answered, voice flat. "I see." Faith ignored the few random questions that followed after that, pondering the kids answer. "Well, you're obviously a complete nutjob," she mumbled after a short while. "Christ."

Laura blinked at Faith. “Violent?” She knew what the word meant, but she wasn’t sure about it when Faith said it. They couldn’t all be violent, and even if they were that was good for her, wasn’t it? She couldn’t hurt people if they were busy hurting her. She brightened and leaned down to stroke another chicken, giggling at how soft it was. She hadn’t known feathers could be so soft, she’d thought they’d be like wool on sheep. A bit gritty and made for keeping warm, not strokability. “No, it’s ok!” Laura bounced on the spot a little, accidentally alarming a nearby chicken. “If I change someone has to change with me and me getting hurt is better than other people.” She smiled at the back of Faith’s head and wondered if she should explain. “You know, because I’m evil.” That should clarify things a bit. She couldn’t remember if she’d told Faith already but if she hadn’t, she just had. She could say this killed two birds with one stone, but Laura liked birds and didn’t plan on killing any with anything. Besides, it was a weird thing to say. How was it possible? Unless you had a boomerang stone and it got one bird on the way back, she couldn’t see how that worked. “Do you think they make boomerangs out of stone?” If they did it might explain the funny words at least. Maybe Faith would know.

Nodding, Laura watched Faith as if she had just told her that she wasn’t a girl, she was a tulip, and she only ate teabags. “Yes,” she agreed, “That is the question. So… um. What’s the answer? I haven’t seen him yet. I think he’s a he. My last person was a she and she was nice, but she didn’t think I tell the truth all the time and I do. And then she said my brain works funny so I have to come here with other people with funny brains.” Laura pondered this explanation. “I don’t think that made sense. Is your therapy person nice? The chickens don’t have to sit on them, they could hug them instead. Or use those egg cosy things I saw on the telly and they’re to stop eggs getting cold. Or they could move to Ethiopia.” True, there would be fewer omelettes, but there would also be room for penguins, and penguins were cool. And they didn’t always live in cold places, there was this one breed of penguin which lived really near the equator. So penguins would probably like it at Highgrove.

Seeing another egg a little way away, Laura went to collect it and decided she liked this. How come Faith was so sad? Maybe she didn’t like eggs. Hearing about the hamster, she frowned at Faith and put her head on one side. “Why?” She couldn’t think of a good reason. Hamsters were just little and furry, like mini guinea pigs. And they liked to come out at night and run around and they could store food in their cheeks which was really clever. “Maybe he was teaching it how to swim?” The teachers at her primary school had taken the bigger classes to a swimming pool sometimes, because they said everyone needed to know how to swim. Laura didn’t know, she’d left before they got to that bit, but she didn’t mind much. There was too much accidental touching. “I don’t think people would hurt little chicks. Because they’re only babies and people think baby animals are cute. And the mummy chickens would probably get upset and peck them a lot and that would hurt.”

Picking up another egg, she went to put them in Faith’s basket and looked around enthusiastically for some more. The thought that Faith might not like egg hunting was completely alien to Laura, but helping was fun. She was going to draw about chickens later, and baby chicks and cows and sheep and kangaroos too.